365: Psalms 101, 102, 103 and 104 (Day 180)

In Psalm 101:5 (NCV) the psalmist writes: If anyone secretly says things against his neighbor, I will stop him.

The book of Proverbs does not have kind words for gossips. They betray confidences (11:13), drive a wedge between friends (16:28), and provide the fuel that prolongs misunderstandings and quarrels (26:20). Every single one of us has been hurt by people talking about us, when they should have talked to us. But if we were honest, we’d also have to admit that we’ve all said things we shouldn’t, often about people who weren’t there to defend themselves.

The first step to vanquishing gossip is to keep our mouths shut. Our mothers were right: If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.

But what should we do when a gossip tries to engage us in a conversation about someone? That can be an awkward and even embarrassing situation. We don’t want to be rude, so it seems the easiest thing is to listen, and then look for an opportunity to excuse ourselves from the conversation as soon as possible. Somehow we think if we don’t pass the information on, we aren’t guilty of gossiping.

The problem is it takes two to gossip: one to speak, and another to listen. We all know there are things a Christian shouldn’t say, but there are also things a Christian shouldn’t listen to.

The tried and true technique of excusing ourselves after an awkward silence just won’t cut it. That’s much more passive than the psalmist’s assertive approach portrayed in Psalm 105. The writer apparently has determined that it’s not enough to not speak; it’s not even enough to not listen. He takes it to the next level: I will stop him.

But how? Well, what if someone tried to gossip, but no one would participate? Let me suggest a simple plan to end gossip:

1. Outgoing: If you can't say something nice . . . You know the rest.


2. Incoming: When someone says something they shouldn’t say, and you shouldn’t listen to, try active non-participation. Here’s an example. Say, Excuse me, Bill’s my friend, and that’s not something I want to hear. (Or, I don’t know Bill, but that’s not something I want to hear.) I suggest you not talk to anyone else about this, but if it’s something you feel strongly about, you should probably go talk to Bill, just between the two of you. Of course, there’s always the ever popular option of responding with Plan B: Hey, I’ll be talking to Bill later today and I’ll be telling him everything you said about him.*

I’d be surprised if you ever need to have that conversation with someone more than once. Of course it won’t stop them from talking about you.

Remember, the key is active non-participation. Easier said than done, I know, but anything less and you’re really guilty of gossip yourself.

* Note: The above-mentioned responses should only be used if the person being gossiped about is named Bill. If the person’s name is Janet, it would be inappropriate and frankly silly to defend Bill.

Do you have any suggestions about how to stop someone from gossiping?